Gordon's Fertility.

Hello, people :D

Well, this should be a sad post.

Cause cause like, referring to my previous post, about Gordon's scrotum :(

Super sad cause he came back from the vet this morning and my heart was 

INSTANTLY shattered. 

This is him lying down cause I was patting him and he obviously loved it. I really salute him on how much he can stand the pain cause he still wags his tail whenever he sees us :) He is such a lovable doggie :D

But anyway, yeah.. Before I show you a photo, Kara, my other golden retriever gobbled up all Gordon's antibiotics and vomited like crap so we were back to the vet again.

And I know, Segar Vet has alot of negative comments but it was an emergency :(

So yeah, luckily both of them are fine now.

They looked fine, at least.

Neways, back to the topic..........

WARNING: 

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE COULD MAKE YOU PUKE WHAT YOU JUST ATE.

SECOND WARNING: GUYS AND ANY OTHER TYPE OF MALES, I'M NOT SURE IF YOU WANT TO SEE THIS. SO, IF YOU ARE:

A MACBOOK USER: PRESS THE LEFT TOP CORNER "X" BUTTON

A NORMAL LAPTOP USER: PRESS THE RIGHT TOP CORNER"X" BUTTON

For people who are still interested,

There you are.. Gordon's scrotum is eaten up by the maggots and left a big hole there leaving the testicles unprotected. Imagine the whole thing was filled with maggots and yeah :/

Thank God the vet did not have to cut the whole thing off >.<

But anyway, I guess it will take a LONGGGG TIME TO HEAL :( Guys who are still reading this, imagine.................. ok. you can keep it to yourself :)

Ps: You've already been warned. 

I knowwww I knoww its damn bad. Damn those maggots. And flies =.=

Well, at least he is still fertile. I think. hmm.. okay, that's all for today :) 

Toodles! 

<3 font="" nbsp="">

Shangri-LALALA :D

Greetings, my loved ones :D

Sorry for not blogging yesterday! I was super duper tired for idontknowwhatreason.

My class was till 11.30am and then by the time I reach home and have my lunch and all, it was 1 or 2pm.. And I slept, like a pig, of course till 5.30pm. I was so tired that I dropped dead on my sofa. Just when I wake up, it was dinner time! And my family went for dinner in Shangri-La hotel to celebrate my elder brother's birthday :D

Who's the happiest? It's me, of course, hehe.. eating so much food. Oh god, I can't even move after dinner D: There goes my plan to be on diet :( 

ITS OKAY! THERE'S ALWAYS TOMORROW! :DD

Ps: mbs boys, don't burst my bubble =.=

 And yes, I'm a poser :D

Yeap! We got a confirmation! I mean like, why not? :D

The foooooood! And yes it was SO GOOD. 

The salmon is SO FRESH and the oyster is just so yummmm to the mehhhhh! 

Not mentioning the rest! Totally recommend you guys to go to 

Lemon Garden Cafe in Shangri-LALALA :D

Seriously, its the BEST buffet I've been to out of so many hotels :)

Yeap! Some prove to show that we were SUPER SATISFIED AND FULL! HEHE!

Mummy and I camwhoring! :P

Nyeh! My dad, my heroooo :D Always.

Meet my brother's girlfriend :D She's awesome, no doubt!

Yes, everyone. My brother that never smiles... in front of you guys XD hahaha.. Anyway, it was his birthday so he could do anything he wants! Nonetheless, he's awesome too! :D

Anyways, this post should be yesterday's :D Hope you enjoy reading and I know you guys stalk me alot wan lorh -.- stop hiding behind the coconut shell and say HI in the chatbox to me -,-

I damn cham k? Chatbox filled with random people :(


Toodles! :D

<3 font="" nbsp="">

OH AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY GOR GOR! :DDDDD

Maggots on his scrotum :(

Good evening, my stalkers :D

heee. Just joking. 

Anyway, today was really such a hectic day for me. I didn't feel so good the whole day and like, gosh.. who knew being in a music course could be so stressful. 24 hours is definitely not enough for a day. And of course, I HAVE to throw tantrums at my mum because I am so stressful. Like, what kind of daughter am I?

Well, I feel really bad after that. But what am I suppose to do? I have no one and so many bad things happen at once. :(

Like recently, my Malay family friend, that my family had been close to all the while since 300 years ago, the auntie just passed away and my mom cried for like don't know how many weeks. It's like life's so short and people KNOW it but they still do things to hurt their loved ones. 

Worse still, they don't appreciate.

I mean, isn't that human's nature? Not to appreciate things until it's gone.

Yes, I know. I'm talking about appreciation after saying I'm being rude to my mom. Actually, don't get me wrong. I didn't like scold her or something.. It's just, you know, moms and their forever questions. With the amount of stress you're having. Well, sorry, mom.

Next, I received 10 assignments in 2 weeks. :( and I have no idea on where to start and what to do. All thanks to the lecturer who cancelled his class and still have not arrange an replacement class for us and the first assignment is FRIGGIN DUE NEXT WEEK. KILL ME PLEASE.

Also, I'm so upset that my dog's scrotum is attacked by maggots. And everyone is blaming me because I did not take care of the dog. First of all, I don't have time. My gosh. I'm so busy going to uni everyday and on the weekends, I wake up at 8 something, get ready, teach music till 12pm and then rush for drum class, and then vocal class and then piano class. By the time I reach home it would be like 5 something or 6pm. ANDDDD, I would crash right after that.

On Sunday, I have to teach till 12pm again and after that, its the only time I get to catch up with my weekly notes and everything. Plus, why would I look at my dog's scrotum? It's so.... inappropriate.

But anyway, I feel bad. He must've suffered alot. Like, guys, imagine your scrotum being eaten by maggots and you can't do anything about it other than feeling the pain. Ouch. And my brother brought him to the Segar Vet that I'm so worried off since my previous dog died there while getting treatment and I've heard ALOT of negative comments by everyone. 

I hope he's okay :( I really feel like giving him a hug and being there for him since he has ALWAYS been there for me. I really thank my dogs and my friends who have been there for me through really rough times. I won't know what to do. Prolly I'll go crazy. But on the plus side, I have piles of work to drown me before I take a deep breathe to think of all the unhappiness. 

Till then, 

Toodles!

Ps: And if you're nice enough, please drop a HI on my chatbox :D

REVIVEDDDDDDDD :D

Hello people from earthhhh,

So I decided to revive my blog. Well, it is something that I didn't plan but since it's the new year, I should start new and fresh, right? 

Forget all the unhappiness that I went and STILL going through. haha. Forget about it.

Besides, I got my new MacBook Pro and obviously I will have the urge to blog. Hehe.

Anyways, I started my course in ICOM. Doing a Berklee Trasnfer Program to Berklee College of Music WHICH is a big thing for musicians cause its the top 10 music school in the whole world. Plus, its beside Harvard University and MIT. So, I've decided to open a mamak stall to cook maggi mee for the students outside Harvard to attract handsome, young, charming, smart, talented etc guys. Well, if you noticed, I did not say RICH. 

BECAUSE IF YOU COME OUT FROM HARVARD AND MIT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BE RICH.

But unfortunately, eventhough I've enrolled in that program, it doesn't mean I can GET into Berklee because people who knows me knows what kind of health problemS I have. 

Sometimes I really wonder if I have any superpowers.

BUT ANYWAYS, ...

Most of my friends will wonder why I chose Music as my career. Well, friends, friends..

Yes, I've been doing Science Stream all my life. Pure Science, in fact. Till A-Levels. And upon completing my A-levels, I had a 6 months break. And during that six months, I've gone through countless visits to the hospital, and a surgery and alsoooo, I started teaching.

And I realised, music really makes me happy. Like REALLY HAPPY. On the first day I stepped into ICOM, I felt really lost cause I knew no one. But after getting to know my current course mates, well.. not even coursemates. EVERYONE in ICOM is like a family. Not like when you're in an academic university. When you're doing music, you HAVE to cooperate with everyone. You have to make friends.

When I was in A-Levels, at the start of the course, I'm close to 9 awesome girls.
At the end of the course, which is 1 and the half years, its still that 9 girls that I hang out with most of the time.

DUDEEEEE, I'm just at ICOM for 2 weeks and everyone is happily greeting you with a WIDE smile every morning you step into the school.

Honestly, I was really overwhelm by the positive side of all these people and eventhough i have TONNES of work to do, the stress is DEFINITELY not as bad as when I was doing A-Levels. That was just pure torture.

Well, I guess I will stop here today. Needz to getz back to my work :D

Oh, and if you're a newbie to my blog, you should understand I'm a very very random person. heeeeee :D so yeah....

ANYWAYS,

Welcome again, everyone. *bows*

Mourn.

Let's mourn for this blog. It's gonna be dead. Cause I made another blog to vent my sadness and frustrations. I shall keep this blog for happy memories :) I decided I shouldnt let everyone thinks tht I'm some emo freak :/ anyway, yeah :)

Thanks, people, if you're reading this, I'm glad you still read my blog. You know who you are. :)
You will always be lingered in my memories. :)

Love you people <3 p="p">

Definitely karma.

I'm laying on my bed, and blogging here. These few days, I've been re- reading my posts.. And especially around 2008 and 2009. There's so much memories. And I REALISED in 2008, I keep posting Posts about why girls cry over guys.. It's so stupid, so dumb. Especially when it happened to my ex best friend. I owe her an apology. I still remember how close we were, how much we laugh, how much we enjoy being together all the time. But when she told me she still love her boyfriend who sorta cheated on her. I was furious with her. I was angry because I felt she didn't love herself enough. I keep thinking why is she so dumb. So stupid, to keep going back to the guy who broke her heart again, and again.

I think that time, she didn't really take whatever I said. Well, I thought she didn't. And at tht time, I thought to myself, why should I continue loving her when she doesn't even love herself? And at that time, I had him. When I had him, he's like the whole world to me, like I needed no one else. Everyday I would just text and talk to him. And totally ignore my friends, especially my best friend. At stupid enough, I thought I'm right at that time. I remember writing a very hurtful letter to my best friend for her birthday and I gave her back the note that she wrote to me and sticked it on my wall. And then she told another friend she was offended. And I got even angrier with her. Since then, I didn't talk to her much. I bet it hurts her like fuck. Broke up with not only the guy she loves but with her best friend, who she thought was her soulmate. Who would understand her decision, back her up when she needed, me.

But she was wrong. And I left her. I left her, broken. And worst of all, I didn't care. Like what kind of horrible friend I am?

A very horrible one.

Karma. It's karma.

Now I'm all by myself. And I need a friend, a friend who knows what the heck I'm going through and why the heck I'm listening to no one and still constantly loving him non stop. Serve me right.

These days, I kept thinking, why can't I stop thinking about the person I love so much eventhough we're not together? Simple, Sandra. You just and still love him. And then it hit me. It hit me effin hard, and I finally understood why my best friend cried all the time because of her ex. And I am the reason she broke up with her bf. Because I constantly told her not to go back or I'll leave. She hesitated at that time, and I left. When she finally decided to not return to her bf, she REALISED I left already. And I wasn't turning back for her.

Right here, right now, all the memories are haunting me. I realise the reason she wanted to go back to her bf after he promised her tht he would change. Because its so difficult to make a guy change. Every single girl thought they could make a guy change for her. But we're so dumb. So stupid. No one can make no one change other than themselves. And just when she thought her guy would change for her, her best friend over HERE leaves her, ignores her. Because the best friend over HERE thinks she's so dumb. Assuring her constantly to NOT believe the guy she loves because if he can do it once, he can do it twice.

And now, I'm here. Wishing, just wishing that my guy would promise me that he would love me just the way he did. But no. All those were just dreams. Dreams that will never come true no matter how much I pray.

 I had nightmares everyday. Nightmares about my best friend and a constant motion picture that me and him were walking to somewhere happily and he suddenly stopped and flings my hand away, rolled his eyes at me, turns back and walks away from me, leaving me, broken. Standing right there, dumbfounded, reminding myself this is not true, this won't be true, he wouldn't do such things to me. This is not true.

Yeah. True enough, it's not true. Cause he already DID walk away.

Every single night, I had to cry to sleep because all the memories haunt me and in the morning I wake up, I asked myself, what's wrong with me. Why did I cry? Why whatever philosophy I said 4 years ago in my blog doesn't apply to my life now?

I know. I know, now. That is not effin easy. Not easy at all.

And right now, I owe an apology to my best friend. Eventhough we still talk now, but we're definitely not as close right now. It used to be 1000 smses a month and phone calls everyday without fail and meeting 7 days a week. Now, it's just some birthday messages and random greets. I'm sorry, A. I really wish I could run to you and hug you as tight as I could. I'm sorry. Very sorry.


Karma. Definitely karma.

I was wrong.

It's been a while that I had been staring at this page. I don't even know what to say. Speechless. All I know is my heart hurts. It hurts so much. So much. So. So. Much.

Too much.

I remember talking to your friend for an hour yesterday, telling him how I feel. Telling him to do something. Telling me to return you back to me. He promised me that he would do something. He would try.

I was excited for the day. But my world crumbled down when he told me you talked to him. And he said you made it clear.

I had no idea what he was talking about. I asked him to explain clearer. And then, he said,"he made it clear that he broke up with you."

I stared at the hand phone, dropped it. And I just don't know why tears keep streaming down my face. Like an overflowing river.

Why do you have to be so mean? I told myself that no, you're not like that. I know you said that to make me hate you, forget you, leave you and live on my happy life. Right? RIGHT? Tell me YES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME.

My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My nose hurts. My pillows are wet. But what hurts the most is my fragile heart.

It just hit me that you're this cold hearted person. It's been so long since I cried this hard. The last time I cried this hard you said you're sorry. You held my hand and say you need me in your life. How about now?

I was wrong all the while.

Wishes don't come true.

I remember when I was in Swizterland looking over shooting stars, I made a wish,"I hope everything between us will be fine. I hope you will come back to me and we live the life we had. I hope one day you will marry me and we had a lot of kids and live happy ever after."

That was more than one wish. That was 6 wishes. But all of them was about, you.

I haven't been blogging so much because I thought I found someone to talk to everyday and tell my feelings to. But now, all I have is myself. And my dead blog.

I remember the times we had clearly. From that campfire. To ICC. To Chinese New Year 2009. To valentines 2009. To the outings. To the tuition. To your birthday 2009. And happiness and my birthday. Everything seemed perfect for me. I remember you heading my hand, telling me to not ever leave you. But today, you left me.

Haunted.

This song is for you.

It's difficult.

Everyone said that I might just think a little too much.
Everyone is on his side.


I know, I know. No one wants to see us being apart. But it's difficult.
No one will ever know and feel what I'm going through.
No one knows how many litres of tears I cried.
No one gets my point.
No one understands me.


It's really difficult. We always talked about our future. We already decided on the color of our wedding invitation. How many kids we would want. Which wedding dress I would want to wear whenever we passed by Loke Yew road, I would point to you. Just going home from college makes me feel so miserable.


Every road gave me so much memories. It's just too much. Like we would argue on which road to take, purposely stopping awhile during the yellow light so that the car behind us can't pass the traffic light. We laughed so hard at them. Passing the mall makes me realize the times we had in the mall. Where we watch movies and we were freezing to death but you wrap your jacket around me and you yourself felt so cold and fell sick the next day. Also, the times when I stand at the elevator door that has a mirror which makes me skinnier. And I would ask you to take a picture together, so that I could pretend to be thinner and you would laugh at me. 3 years isn't such a short time.


We went through so much but now, things change. Like you said, people change. I wonder if you still kiss me in the picture you pasted on your wardrobe everyday. You said I didn't appreciate you. I felt more than hurt.


I've done so much for you. I planned so many surprises for you just to make you happy but sadly, now after you met her, you're never satisfied with me.


What happened? People ask why? Why am I even thinking about breaking up. Is there no turning back?


Personally, I myself don't know how to answer this question.


The matter is, it isn't only about her. It's also about the difference in opinion between us.


You're indecisive. When I decide, you said I'm controlling you. I never ever wanted to make you choose between you and your mom. Never. I never wanted to make you feel bad but if you couldnt even spare one hour in a week for me. Who are you to call yourself my boyfriend? Not to mention, the duration of calls becomes shorter and shorter everyday. Now we've come to this stage where we don't even talk. But once we talk, we argue. Again, what happened?


I know you have your rights to have other friends. Other girl, friends. I never thought of controlling who you should make friends with and who you shouldn't. I wouldn't mind if you have girl friends, because you never controlled me. But seriously? Spending time with her everyday, have breakfast, have lunch, and almost dinner? Still, I don't mind. But going to her house? That's a little too much dont you think? Yes, people ask me why don't I talk to you nicely and everything. I had. You promised me not to be too close and there I heard another time that you went to her house again.


You ask me what's wrong?
Why not?
Not like you're going to make out or something. You're just going there to do maths. Why? Why can't you think of my feelings? You know I don't like it, why can't you ask another friend?


Fine, if SHE'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DO THE QUESTION IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, why can't you ask her in tuition?


Why can't you ask her to go a little earlier and you go a little earlier to tuition so that she can teach you? Fine, its not convenient. Then why can't you go to a public space, like a coffee shop or a restaurant to do it? FINE, IT'S NOISY. THEN WHY CAN'T YOU DO THE WORK EARLIER AND YOU CAN ASK HER IN SCHOOL SINCE YOU SEE HER EVERYDAY IN SCHOOL. WHY CAN'T YOU ASK HER IN THE CAR WHEN YOU CARPULL WITH HER EVERYDAY. WHY CAN'T YOU ASK HER IN SCHOOL WHEN YOU'RE HAPPILY ENJOYING BREAKFAST WITH HER.


WHY?!


Why?


Why.


AND ALL YOU COULD ANSWER IS, "I thought you wouldn't mind".
And I would say, I'VE TOLD YOU. Even if we're at this stage that we're almost breaking up, Im so worried about you.


Knowing you so well, I know you can't take it. Instead of caring about my feelings, all I was worried about is you. I wanted to check out from your friends but it seems like she's your bestest friend and I would of course not, ask her. So, I did something inappropriate which is to log in your facebook account. Oh my.


Tears can't stop rolling down my cheeks. You seem to be fine talking to her. Got to know that you've been chatting with her for 5 hours since you return from school. Called her. Text her. So, so disappointed.


Apart of telling her all our problems, you actually say things that you would usually say to me. If you don't know what I'm talking about. Go read your conversation with her again. Then maybe you would realize.




Imagine how I feel. Seriously? My heart ache more than anything else in the world. How, how could I continue loving someone who barely cares about my feeling. I know, I really do know you worked hard to save this relationship. You did tried. But not hard enough. I did so much but you still didn't get it. Only until we reached this stage, you try to save your relationship.


Why didn't you do it earlier? It's a little too late. I still love you but baby, this is too much. You even said you didn't feel like my boyfriend. You should know why I avoided you. If you can't even stand me after reading this, think again.


 How are you going to stand being my husband one day.


If you think you spoilt me at the start, I'm sorry. I tried to change. To make everything up to you. I tried to understand you and let you do it your way but I'm sorry, I can't. I can't take this anymore. It's just too much.


It's not any easier for me to go through this because I do. I do still love you. Alot. But I'm sorry. If you want US to continue, you got to earn it yourself. If not, thanks.


Thanks for the memories.

Confessions.

I don’t know why I felt like blogging suddenly. I was just watching a movie and just as soon as I finish watching it, I turned on my laptop and out and started to type out my feelings. I wanted to blog so much but I cant get the internet connection somehow. So I guess I’ll just type it here, in Microsoft word and update my blog later.

We had a fight.

I don’t know why but its just that these days we cant communicate.

Why? I wonder.

I was just staring at space, and started to wonder.  Where did it went wrong? Is it me? Am I not understanding enough. I don’t understand. That’s the problem with people. They will never know who’s wrong first.  I thought I was okay with the fight and all. Happily going through my life like how I used to do it everyday but I realise that im just avoiding the truth.

You know, at times, I just wonder whats wrong with me. If everyone starts to leave me one by one, it must be me. Well, not everyone. Its just people I care about most. Like, my bestfriends.

And,

Others.

You know, I cant really take it anymore. Well, if you’re starting to get annoyed about my rantings, there’s an “X” button at the right top corner of the screen. You are welcomed to press that.

Back to the point,

So, I was just pausing my life and started to think. Just why. And how. Why can relationships (in general) could be so fragile? How, HOW, did it ended up like this. I’ve not been posting on my blog because I finally found someone to talk to. EVERYTHING that happened in my life. But you see, its different now. I cant find someone else to talk to if I had a fight with that particular person. So, who do I have?

I started to regret not treating my really close friends in highschool right. Not like I tortured them or something. Its just that, I was selfish.  I didn’t really care about their feelings. I want it and so I must get it kinda thing. And at that time, I just cared about how I felt.

Regret. Is a very deep word. It means that you wish you can turn back time and change things.

WHICH, is impossible.

So I start treating people very nice, and I started to give them everything they ask for, hoping that history does not repeat. But, sadly, its just not working. I don’t know how to express it. The kind of feeling that you cant express because its just so deep. too deep.

I don’t know where this post is taking me to. It makes me realised so many things. Guessed I wasn’t mature enough to realise it when I was younger.

You know, I really wonder who will attend my funeral if I die one day. Humans. Arent they creatures that hide their true feelings and just keep it to themselves until one day, that person you care for doesn’t exist in this world anymore and they just, regret.

Its been a long time since I feel like suddenly, something just hit something hard on my face. 

Like you got stabbed right on your heart, tearing you apart.

Feeling lost.

Feeling lonely.

Felt like you did not belong to this world.

Feeling different.

If one day my ex-bestfriends or other people who are suppose to see this post, I hope they forgive me for everything I have done. I know Im not a  good friend nor a good person to be with.

People tend to backspace what they really want to type. And then hide what they want to say back into their heart and type out a lie. I say that because that was what I was doing. Because I care what people think about me the moment they read this. But I know the right thing to do isn’t this.

Im currently listening to the song “I wanna make love in this club”. There’s a lot of memories in this song. I remembered I was singing this to my bestfriend and she was just giving me the “ewh” look.. and we would both just laugh about it. Well, now, she’s still my friend. But a distanced one.

I miss highschool. Form 3 and form 4, to be specific. Form 5 is just too much for me to take in. So, I don’t know why I was drifting further apart with people who used to be my bestfriends. I still couldn’t figured it out. But I didn’t have the guts to ask them. Now, whenever I see them, I felt like a stranger to them no matter how much I tried to make conversations with them.

The truth is, I’m devastated about this. I have happy dreams every night whenever I sleep everyday and its about the happiness I’ve been through with my high school bestfriends those days. And when I wake up in the morning, I would just stare at the ceiling. And I would be thinking, it was just a dream.

I tried to move on but it was too difficult for me. I’m listening to “graduation by vitamin C”. I’ve always love that song.

“We will still be friends forever.”

That’s what they sang. The fact that everything will not be the same again really hurts me.

I’ve tried. So hard. To keep things same. But I guess it JUST WONT be the same again. Like, I’ve organised my birthday party, and only 2 of my highschool friends came. Only 2. Out of 50, probably? When all of them said no, I thought they were just joking. I thought they wanted to surprise me. On that day, before the party, I cried so hard. And everytime I get a birthday msg from one of my bestfriends, the smile on my face could last a day. But at the same time, some just didn’t wish me. I was actually quite disappointed. Im not trying to point out anyone or blame anyone here. I know they couldn’t make it. Its not that they don’t want to. Oh well, life.

It can never be perfect.

Wow. I’ve written so much. But you probably wont understand a thing. Its just that I’ve so much problems these days and I wish, I wish that someday, someone would understand me and listen to all my problems. Not just SOME RANDOM PERSON, but probably my bestfriends? I just hope one day they would call up and just say hi or something. Probably, laugh about the past? I don’t know.

Guess I’ll just go with it.

 Well, I’ll stop here.

Till then,

To Joonie,

Since you gave me a little gift hrough the Internet, I figured, i should repay you by writing a short post for you :D
Never thought that you actually miss me!
Thanks, a lot :) im really touched :D
Although we were strangers,
Although we are still strangers,
But I felt like I'm close to you,
Like I talk to you a lot!
Guess jayesslee were the one who brought us to be from acquaintances to friends
I'm actually upset that you would leave,
Not like it would make any difference
But, Japan is like so far! :(
REMEMBER TO GET ME SOUVENIRS WHEN YOURE BACK K? :D
anddddddddd,
Be careful of the radiation!
Do come back to Malaysia and maybe that time we will meet up :)

All the best for you and last but not least,

Take Care | Forward this Picture

A thank you note :)

I had the time of my life yesterday :) and I thank every single one of them who attend my birthday party. It was beyond awesome :) I love you guys xoxo

Im a confused child.

Okay, so this is the matter, everytime there's something bugging me, I would turn to my blog. Its like a place to vent out my frustration. Not really frustration.. just, something tht bothers me.

I feel like, no. I realised that you cant get everything you want. Maybe that's it.. life isnt perfect. Well, that's true. You cant have everything you want. hm, I dont really know what im talking about. I just want to express something that is bugging me.

Sometimes in life, we JUST NEED to be alone for awhile. To calm down and think of everything. Like, to clear everything up in your mind.

Well, I cant deny I have a good life. Human beings are just like that eyh? They want more and more. And like, there's never enough.

I honestly think that I should be satisfied with my life. Convince me to.

*sigh*

What does SPM results really mean?

people, you must really watch this video. It is such an inspiring video. I love it so much. Keep replaying it. Eventhough i dont know what he's rapping in chinese, but i can feel his emotions and ofc, the subtitles helped alot :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt8Um_uCvJI&feature=player_embedded#at=21

so, tomorrow, SPM results will be released. Can you believe it? The previous post, i was just posting about my SPM that had just ended. In just a blink of an eye, 3 months passed. So fast.

In this 3 months, eventhough it is just a short time, but I learned alot of things. I met many new friends, and they are all great :)

After watching the video I realised something, that SPM results is not everything. Listening to that song really makes me wanna cry. It made me realise that there are many people out there who are 1000000x worse than us. What? SPM RESULTS? Does it really matter? Yes, to your future, but its nothing.

Looking forward, well, you can do better next time. Yes, maybe u might be scared disappointing your parents. Just like me. But, what can you do? What is done, is done. Not like you can change anything. Obviously you would be damn sad if its bad. But, what you can do is do better for what is ahead and not look at the past. Cause doing that is really useless.

Okay, i know what i post may not really help. Maybe to me also cause I might just burst out crying if i really get REALLY BAD results. But i think im gonna be fine after that. I promise.

And i will always keep my promise.

Twist and Turn Of Life.

It has been a bloody long time since I blogged. Like the last time I blogged was last year. In a blink of an eye, im in college. Choosing what to wear everyday is a problem. It’s like everywhere you go, you practically see someone who has the exact same thing as you do. Hmm.

And I thought college would be a more relaxing enviroment sorta thing. NO. I was wrong. College is hell. To be exact, its more stressful than I thought. Really. No joke. You really have to constantly study and do your 10 tonnes of homework everyday. Since I started college, I had never been stop being sick.

This year, eventhough barely 3 months passed, I went through a lot of things. I got to meet new friends, and went through a lot of medication, walking in and out of the hospital. Hm, I wonder how are my friends doing. Its been a really long time since I speak to them. I miss them. Really. Reading my past posts in my blog made me emo. But what is life? Everyone goes through ups and downs. And im sorry if I had made anyone upset in whatever I have posted. I solemnly apologize.

Two zero one one has been a great year. Not really, but at least I got a bunch of girlfriends im close to. And im lucky to have my best friend to be in the same class with me. Im happy that I get to meet my seniors all the time. I actually realised I spend time a lot with my friends but not from my formal school. Cause I thought they would be too busy for me and.. .. nvm.

Anyway, Im glad that I have someone supporting me through out all these times. SPM results are really coming out soon. To be honest, I don’t have much confidence in myself. I know I did badly. Well, even the results are not out yet, the moment you put down your pen when the invigilator asks you to stop writing, you practically forecast your results already. And mine, hmm.. I personally think tht I did a really bad job.

I actually think that I have a lot of things to catch up with apart from my studies. I miss my faithful juniors and my awesome high school teachers. Northern Start High School. What a perfect translated name =P

At some point, I really want to turn back time. I don’t know why but now I feel kinda unhappy. Well, maybe cause im sleepy and reading my blog brings me a few years back in time.

But I know, this is life. Its full of changes and we just gotta go through it. Everyone needs to go through all these things. So do I.

Well, I guess I just wanted to voice a little here, in my blog. I hope, wish and pray that everyone is doing well :)

Till then,
Flammable Junior