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Monday, July 28, 2014

My Superheroes

Because, they mean alot to me. 

When days are dark and when I feel all alone and confused about everything in life.

They were there for me. 

Dear girls,

I took few months to complete video. Initially, it was for Heng wei's birthday, and then I was so busy and I took so long that, I was like,"Hmm.. why not i do it just like for the 4 of us?" 

Besides, during the holiday, we missed each other so much. And Heng Wei was so upset because Joel was leaving, Enes was upset because Dan was leaving, and although Phoebe never did say anything, I could feel that she was dying inside because she missed Kai so much. But I knew she was just holding on, trying to be strong. I knew all of you were just holding on, trying to be strong. So, I wanted to make a video for all of you, and tell you that, no matter what you still have us and we can still be happy, even if its just the 4 of us. It took me 2 months to just choose the most suitable song. I first heard the song in Phoebe's car and I told myself. HM. THIS IS IT. 

I wanted to cheer you guys with this video. But, lately, I myself had been so so upset that, when I edit again and again everyday, I begin to realise, that this video means so so much to me. I swear I've watched this video at least 100 times. I would watch everyday, probably 5-6 times a day. And re-edit.. and another 5-6 times. I keep finalising it but never did because I keep finding more suitable clips and photos.

Whenever I'm sad, I would smile while watching this video. These days had been very confusing and tough for me despite my health and everything else. But I'm so glad that I have all of you to lend me a shoulder to cry on all the FREAKING TIME and tell me what I should do when I'm lost. So, basically, its a "thank you" video. Hope you enjoy my 4 months of hardwork. I love you girls I hope when you girls are sad, you would watch this video would put a smile on your face.
The girl who've always loved you girls back.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014


So, I've went through another chapter of my life.

This 2 weeks had been a really tough week for me. I was told that I had to go through 2 surgeries at one time. It was tough to take it all in because it was so sudden. I met the doctor on Friday and then he suggested to have the operation on Monday. During the weekend, so many things went through my mind, but I couldn't wait to go through the operation at the same time because it would mean less pain. For the whole weekend, I prepared my mind for the operation.. On that day itself, I was nervous, but I told myself that this is for the best and I shouldn't be scared because I'm in good hands.

Getting wheeled to the operation theatre was the worst, actually. So many thoughts were going through my mind but I could handle it. When I reached the pre-operating bay, I looked to my sides.. On my left, there's this pregnant lady who was about to give birth. She was breathing really heavily.. Well, it was kinda awkward for me. HAHA. On my right, there's this 18 year old boy who injured his patella from playing basketball.

I tried to close my eyes and get some rest before the operation. I think there was 45 mins more of waiting. But the time seems to draggggggg. Finally, it was my turn. Just in a matter of secs, I was forced to breathe some oxygen as they injected general anaesthetic into me.

The next thing I know,

"Mei Teng, wake up.. operation is over, Mei Teng!!"said the nurse.

I woke up feeling really uncomfortable. Pain on the lower half of my body, I felt horrible. Like I needed to go to the toilet but it was just the side effects and the mind games the drugs were playing with.

However, after 2 hours resting at the post-operating bay, I felt much better. And I was surprised that I felt fine. I was like,"Oh. The operation wasn't that bad."

As I was wheeled back to my room, my mom was waiting outside the operating theatre for me. And then she told me,"Sandra, the doctor didn't do anything."


The operation failed halfway.


I was instantly depressed. You mean, I go through so much drama, and then you told me nothing was done?

Or should I say, nothing could be done.

I spent the rest of the day being emo. My mind was a messed.

"So, you're telling me, I need to live with this pain for the rest of my life?"

The question in my mind that was on repeat the whole day after the operation.

But thank God, Waffles was with me the whole day, telling me that everything will be fine. And no matter what my decision is, he would be there to support me no matter what. I felt a little more relieved.

But not entirely.

Because I still needed to make a life-changing decision.

I was left with 2 choices. To cut an organ out.

Or to live with the pain. Forever.

The next few days was tough. But in the end, I realise, I couldn't take the pain anymore. It was horrible. It's affecting me in every single way. My life, is just being a mess with the excruciating pain that I have 3 weeks in a month.

And I chose the first choice. Which I never thought that it was even A CHOICE for ME in the first place.

The next few days were tough. Going through the pain. Being on liquid diet was the worst. Surviving on Milo for 2 days. Too horrible.

But now, its been almost 2 weeks since my operation and I'm glad that today, I went through all those and I'm a happier person.

We'll see how it goes in this long term period.

For now, I'm thankful for my parents, my family, my relatives, and of course, my friends. Each and everyone of them who was there for me when I was at my lowest.


I'm so thankful to have them.

Thankful for everything that has happened 
although it was tough..
but at least it made me a stronger and a better person.


Till then,