Effamelle.

Hi.

I just posted about Sunway lagoon and trips to Ipoh and Penang.

But, in actual fact, I'm feeling really unhappy right now.

There's so many things going through my mind.

Doing music really really isn't an easy task.

Getting 90 marks is JUST an A- , and of course, A is 93marks and A+ is 96 onwards.

The grades are wayyyy to high, I think.

Therefore, getting a GPA of 4.00 is nearly impossible. So, I got my results today and to me, it was disappointing. Although to many people, its considered really good. But its just that, I have my expectations. And, I had really been working my ass off to shift my mind off from so many things. Although I did quite well but I wanted to be better because I NEED to go Berklee College Of Music. You have to be BETTER than the best to be there. Its the one of the most prestigious music school in the whole wide world. Its like getting into LSE for Economics.

People tell me not to push myself too much.

How not to? I really need to get out from this country. This life I'm living, its not even A LIFE. I NEED A CHANGE. I need to leave. ASAP.

It's really crazy. I had to be unhappy over the same thing again and again, I had to wake up in the middle of the night over the same nightmare again and again. I had to think about the same thing every morning I wake up. ITS KILLING ME, SERIOUSLY.

I lost myself.

I'm trying so hard to gather myself together and be happy and stuff. But, sigh.

Yes, I have a great family and really fantastic friends. But everyone have their own problems.

So do I.

I appear to be this really strong girl who keeps a smile on her face EVERY SINGLE DAY. But there's still things deep inside my heart which is killing me softly.

Sigh.

I'm disappointed in myself in SO MANY MANY WAYS.

I shouldn't be unhappy, because I have everything I want. I am independent, strong, great friends, lovely family, supportive people everywhere etc. But, ahhhhhh!!!!!!! I WANNA SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT.

I HATE THISSSSS.

I'm disappointed that I disappoint people around me.

My friends, they try to help me. They are there for me all the time.

BUT WHY CAN'T MY WOUND HEAL?

FML.

:'(