Can't go on.

Hi, people.

I realised I'm a changed person.

Not that I want to.

I'm sorta forced to learn things the hard way.

This.. is who I used to be.

But,

This, is who I am now.

Okaay, it sounds terribly stupid because I took both of that photos at the same time =.= but what I'm trying to say is, I don't smile as often as I do. And as you can see, my smiles are not genuine anymore..

Recently, I've became quite a bitch to some people. And I've became like, a quieter person in person, I think. I don't know about being quiet but I'm definitely a less happy girl than ever before.

Maybe those betrayals, and hurt shaped me into this miserable person.

Because I'm too naive. And I always trust people with my whole heart. In everything, in fact. And then it really slams me when I know that they were lying or something.

And no, I'm not just talking about ONE person. Just, people I meet and stuff like that.

Honestly speaking, I hate myself. I really do.

I start to put so many defences up for myself that I'm slowly learning not to trust anyone. And its such a difficult thing for me to do and it hurts me even more when I know people who care about me feel hurt when I don't trust them or anything.

I've became this weird girl.
I've became a stranger to myself.

I had this friend who asked me if I was close to guy friends just because I'm lack of affection or something. And I was really surprised that someone would even think of me that way. Didn't know that being someone genuine to everyone including guys will make people of think of me that way. Honestly, I never thought about new relationships since the last time I had one.

I'm so sorry for myself that I had to learn things the hard way. Its such a big impact on me. Those crazy  health issues that affects my life in every single way and deaths of loved ones and maximum stress from studies and not forgetting the worst one, my past relationship.

And I'm so sorry to people who cared about me and loved me for who I am, namely people who cared to check this blog. I'm sorry that you might think that I don't trust you or something. But,

:'(

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't even know myself.

It's like I'm never ever gonna be the same girl I used to be anymore.

Is this called, a part of growing up?

Damn, growing up is so difficult.

THAT explains why I enjoy growing horizontally more.

It makes me happier. And not miserable, like now.

hah. Joking. So.Funny, Sandra. Neways, whatever it is.

Life goes on?

BUT I EFFIN DON'T WANNA GO ON.


I can't.

I'm amazed at myself on how I can take all these 10 tonne problems and keep holding on like nothing had happened. Yeah right. Like, nothing happened. Well, only during the day.

Who ever knows how much I suffered or still suffering till today?
Who ever knows how much pain I'm going through everyday?

Mentally and physically.

Don't ever be surprised if you get to know that I suicide or something.

Love ya'll. Ciao.