Who could I go to?

"here, there, EVERYWHERE!"

Early morning, I was SUPER DOWN, that everyone was worried about me.

FINE, SORRY OKAYY?? I just cant help it.. I mean.. *sigh* nothing.. I actually felt better when I was talking to qikit last night.. but.. before that, I was seriously crying like shit because I feel I'm like the stupid friggin bitch who ruins ppl's relationship..

Yes, I have my own problems but friends mean the WORLD to me.. How could I possibly NOT care?? I was really pissed of with myself that I can actually take a blade and cut my wrist.. I was crying so hard that I could no longer possibly figure what is wrong with the world and I.

I tried to figure out the whole night. I was hopeless and I have totally lost all my energy in forcing my tear ducts to produce tears. It can practically flood the whole Kay Elle.

And then, I went to sleep. and great, I dont know what was on my mind, and i woke up late. REAL LATE T.T my parents were not at home. So my bro had to fetch me to school and seriously.. I didnt wanna go to school at all. I just want to skip school.. for all the problems I faced.. I just dont feel like going.

But, no.

I promised Vivian to run with her at the field. and the best part was, I WANTED TO RUN SO MUCH.

Fine, so i went to school with the suckiest face I have ever had. First, I got accused. Second, everything was posted in public through internet. Third, I ruined someone's relationship. Fourth, my "FRIEND" has been lying to me. Fifth, I have no one to tell ANYTHING to. Sixth, i just have to keep to my promises. no matter how much i want to share with someone, to tell out everything, to blurt it out, i cant.

Promises comes first.

So, fine. Everyone was worried about me. But as time goes by, it got better. But still.. I was so darn quiet in the class. and questions like, "are you okay, sandra?" rang through my ears every 5 minutes.

I want to say, "NO, I'M NOT." but no.. instead, i just nod my head

EVERY SINGLE TIME i hear that question. but it was OBVIOUSLY not in a convincing way cause everyone keep asking me eventhough i nodded.

so, yeah. after that, we had choralspeaking practice. and i got like, scolded? for not smiling wide enough. but how do u expect me to smile like I'M SO HAPPY WHEN I'M NOT??

so, we had recess.. and, AFTER RECESS.. I was seriously so angry that I stomped all the way to fourth floor. Question this person, question that person.. and.. DAMN!

I was so angry and at that very moment. I JUST FEEL LIKE... .. . ..

shit.

I was super angry and I just cant wait till after school. but, we had chemistry and after that, physics but teacher wasnt there.. so, we went to the library. Talked a lot with siewjin, emily, puiyi, low, vivian, yuenping, sheau hwa and adeline..

after that, we had Bio.. but we went for choralspeaking practice.. and after that.. AFTER SCHOOL, mygod.. i was so eager to go down from the fourth floor.. keep asking vivian to be faster.. skipped lunch and then, we went to the field, warmed up and started running.. non-stop.

vivian was like,

viv: sandra.. i have a problem. I dont know what to think when I'm running.
me: just be emo.
viv: but like how?
me: think about sad stuff..
viv: wow.. if i am sad, i wont even want to run.
me: think about things like S*******..
viv: O.O wow.. sandra.. not bad arh u.. sad also can run..
me: that's the MAIN reason i wanna run =.=

and we continue running.. I was very tired, practically out of breathe and my stomach was like so darn pain. But, no. i didnt stop running. I can endure the pain. TOTALLY. because my heartache hurst more than anything.. we continue running. Short distance only larr.. like for only 1.2km.. not like YOU GUYS OKAY.. so pro.. like in like 7 - 8 minutes.. i know its very long =.= then, we looked like FRESH TOMATOES.. cause our face was so bloody red.. and ppl like EMILY were like teasing us from far =.= swt betul..

then, went for choralspeaking. and the best part was, kahwai passed me a member termination warning letter from St. Johns, saying that I didnt attend DIM, no 40 hours duty, dint go for regional review, didnt take re-bfa..

like HELLOO?? i attend DIM every single time except when i was still in australia, and HELLO? i got more than 100 hours duty.. and HELLO! i went for regional review.. hello?! ICC?? remember??????? shesshh.. and HELLO AGAIN! how to take RE-bfa when i havent even take my BFA?? =.= "empangan" it man..

Practice a bit, then teacher brief us about the competition.. and... yeah.. halfway, got to go.. my bro picked adeline, emily and I up for tuition.. send us to mcd's before that.. then yeah.. went for tuition and laughed like shit. but got scolded by my brother after tuition. scolded like SHIT! and damn! i just hate myself. ugh..

today, I have to thank ppl like:-

puiyi
yuenping
sheauhwa
adeline
siewjin
low
andreana
vivian
emily
diane
kahwai
chengken
keanloong
vyvyan

and ppl who care a lot bout me like jarrett and jiajun.. but mostly.. NIREN! thanks for helping me doing my work.. (>.<) i feel so bad..

AND, sorry to ppl like weigin, jiajun, chee enn, weixing, jarrett and zkang for not replying ur msgs last night.. ESPECIALLY JIA JUN.. because i was too emo.. sry.. T.T

should I, or should I not?

the truth is,

I'm afraid.

Didn't know you were that smart.

Is this over yet?

can I open my eyes?