never happy...

right.. i didnt post for so many days is because stupid things happen to me.. and when happy things happen to me... sad things will cover my happiness... and now.. i really cannot tahan.. i have no place to talk about it... no people to tell to... so, i would want to express it in my blog...

on friday, i got accused by my teacher.. saying that i'm not happy because i might scared someone would get higher than me in BM... it's NOT TRUE.. i was sad and angry because i got wrong for the ones i know.. i know i cant blame anyone for it.. so i blame myself.. and i was angry and sad with myself... very indeed... and then.. when my teacher says," saya tahu sandra tak ceria hari ini kerana dia takut ada orang yang lebih tinggi markahnya daripada dia.." and then he elaborated... in front of sooo many ppl.. i felt so... i.dunno.how.to.explain.

my eyes were so watery.. like.. how the hell can u say such thing about me... and then.. next day when me and ade have private class with that teacher.. he saw my sad face and ask why was i un-ceria the day before.... wat am i suppose to say???? "KERANA KATA-KATA CIKGU YANG MENUSUK HATI SAYA"????? wth.. of course i say nothing la... and he kept asking..

and then... my mood went down again... fine.. later on.. me and ade decided to go KLCC... i wanna buy Breaking Dawn.. so.. had a really good day... spent almost 3 hours there... went kinokuniya like for 2 hours... ade bought a book... i forgotten wats the title.. its was very nice.. and i bought breaking dawn.. and then... went to Pavillion... then when we were walking to the car park.. saw Tharine..holding 2 breaking dawn books... one for her and the other for Dil.... i blocked her way.. then she was like wth.. then when she look up.. she saw me... and we were laughing..

then.. went to Pavillion... my mom wanted to change her shoes she bought from KLCC... so.. we followed... then.. when we come back,.. it was like 6.30pm... then.. ade couldnt get her driver... and my mom invited her for dinner... so, we went for dinner... came back... and my whole family watch "heart of greed".. ade was like so blur.. cause she dun even understand a thing... she blurred for 2 hours.. later on.. we watch step up... it was 11.00.. ade's parents still werent there to pick her... 11.50.. still not there.. the show finished.. so.. went to my room.. then about 12 something.. her parents came... saw Richard too.. and she went back....

not even 10 minutes.. i think Ade recieved a sms from me.. i think she was very very shocked.. cause i was telling her i was crying like shit... she asked me.. and i sent 5 sms to tell wat happened... she really dunno wat to do... she was blanked... she dunno wat to tell me... i felt really stupid.. i think the last time i cried like that was when i was like 5 years old... or early primary years.. i never cried like that before... yesyes.. i always cry but its usually just tears.. but this is like... crying like a small child.. i feelll so stupid crying like that.. but i didnt stop.. and my eyes was so pain and bruised... my headache was coming... i was crying for so long.. everytime i stop crying.. i thought back at their laughter at me... i cry again.. i can never stop... i cry till i sleep and i was thinking...

who will wipe my tears from my stinging eyes??
who will repair my broken hearts??
who will make my shattered dreams to be a big wonderful piece of dream??
who will take away my anxiety and worries??
who will protect me from masked face, backstabbings, gossips, hypocrites?? and
who wont let me expect my downfalls??


who???
who???

this morning... my eyes were so red and bruised... is like as though i was crying like world's end... while is just a piece of shit that has happened to me... but i really hate it... even while writing this post, my tears are rolling down.... how can u guys laughed at me?? how can u guys do that to me??? how can u guys be like that??? wat do hell do u expect from me??? i just hate it!!!! i hate you... especially you.. i swear i wont talk to u like last time.. bust off... get away from me.. shut up!.... I.AM.NOT.TALKING.TO.YOU...

YOU EVIL ANNOYING PIECE OF USELESS SHIT!!! GO AND DIE!!

and now.. i get to realise... i can never be happy... so many things happen one after another.. sad things.. things that made my eyes go red and watery... stupid annoying things... actually i really dun wanna blog about this.. cause i know u guys are like sick of my emo posts... so, in the future.. i will create a blog.. that will be private to talk about emo stuff... so that this blog wont have any sad posts anymore....