I forced myself to wake up when the my clock shows 6.14am. For a moment, I was counting how long I slept today.
“4.30, 5.30, 6.14.. hmm.. 2 hours and 44 minutes.”
I can barely open my eyes. I turned the radio on loud enough to keep me awake. I took my time to pack my bag, brush my teeth, wash my face AND my sore eyes with eye lotion, and change into my school uniform.
Went down, and I realised I really needed caffeine to keep me awake. My maid had already made a cup of coffee for me. Perfect, I thought.
I was about to the get out of the house until I forgot my tag and purse. I ran up as fast as I could to get it. Got into the car, and I cant stop keeping my eyes wide open. I felt so, lifeless. Like, I’m not living inside.
Reached school, and got out of the car. Saw keanloong but I guess I was walking 1ms-1 cause I could not catch up with his slow pace. I walked silently through the hallway. Yuen ping said hi but I could care less to reply her greetings.
Assembly started, and Yuen Ping whispered to me, “Sandra, can you help me or do you have ANY possible ways to ask him to button up and wear his tie? Because I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been telling me several times but nothing seems to work.” I wanted to ask her, shouldn’t I am the one who need to ask for a favour. She’s a prefect, isn’t she?
Today, was different. There wasn’t any fire in my eyes. I wasn’t even in the mood to scold anyone. To get angry at anyone. My life was just moving very slow. It’s like taking one step to walk could last forever. With my pale face, sore eyes and tired body, I walked silently to him, sighed, and said “Pao Jun Ren, can you please button up and wear your tie?” For a moment, I was thinking, I can really get down on my knees to beg him to wear his tie.
I have no more energy to give any fierce glares, or to shout through his face.
The whole morning, all I did was talking really softly, and I just stand RIGHT in front of the form 5 students who talk without saying anything. I would just sigh and show them my tired sore eyes which doesn’t have anymore energy to glare. And thank god, they did shut up.
7. 15am.
“Exam will start in 15 minutes,” I whispered to Yuen Ping and walked away. When assembly was over.
7.25am.
“Exam will start in 5 minutes,” Yuen Ping whispered to me back.
Hiked up fourth floor while reciting what the hell was inertia with Nanthienie. And I just couldn’t stop repeating the definition of Inertia.
“The tendency of an object to be at rest anddd.. . ?” Nanthienie would continue that sentence.
Reached class, and I started shaking for I don’t know what reason. I got up from my place and started walking around the class, reciting every single thing I need to remember for Physics Exam. Yuen Ping was testing me on the safety features for vehicles. And yeah.. I was trying so hard to reply her. For all the sleeping time that I have sacrificed to memorise it, it was a no way that I could possibly forget about it.
Paper 2 started.
50Hz. Ticker-timer experiment. I wasn’t sure. All I know is 1/50 Hz is 0.02s. But how about 50Hz? It wouldn’t possibly be the same right?
I read the question. Carefully. I highlighted every single important point. I took my time to analyse the question. I read through it and one question caught my attention.
“Find the speed in 2 secs.”
“OHMYGOD! The exact same question that Kean Loong was joking about it that day! But wait, is it exactly the same? Was that day’s question 50Hz too? Or it was 1/50 Hz?” I was thinking in my god damn stupid head.
S.H.Y.T.E!
I was totally blank. I tried to recall the exercise paper that my tuition teacher had gave me. I remember going through it last night. But at that time, nothing was in my mind. Blank. Just like my answer sheet.
Nevermind, I thought. I’ll just have to continue my paper first. Section C.
“Choose only 1 question among the 2.”
Some ghost was blinding my eyes that I couldn’t see the word CHOOSE. So, I spent my bloody time to do BOTH experiment question. I was scribbling towards the end of my paper. There wasn’t enough time for me. I looked up for a second, and I saw Low sitting silently, writing the answers smoothly with her G2 pen.
Unlike me, I was terrified by my writing. It was getting from bad to worst. Hm.. nevermind. Let me just do it. 1 more minute. “FAST! FAST FAST!,” my mind was racing with my hand. With the pen I’m holding.
I scribbled stupid answers that I myself couldn’t figure out what I was writing. I mixed up with all the variable. Shit, I’ll be dead. But nevermind, as long as I finish the paper.. Okay. DONE!
“wait a minute, huh? Why teacher still haven’t collect the paper? Its time already.” I looked around. Everyone seemed to be still writing. “Shouldn’t they stop?” I thought.
Look here, Look there, turn here, turn there. And my eyes stopped at the big whiteboard.
“WHAT. THE. HELL?!” I whispered. I realised that there was still time. =.=” I thought about the time wrongly.
UGH!
Fine, nevermind, check through my papers. I still stop for a moment when I saw the tickertimer experiment. “JAH! Whatever. Nevermind lah! I think I’ll be correct. I have to confident!”
When exam ended.. … .. . . .
“CONFIDENT MY ASSSSSSSSSS!”
all of them were discussing about it. And I got it all wrong. THAT particular question that I did. Yeah. ALL wrong. T.T
I yelped. And started “crying”… and the inverted comas, were taken off. I didn’t feel like going for recess anymore but I still went to the canteen. And I saw keanloong eating happily. Smiling all the way. He saw me, and I saw him and we go, “THE QUESTION!” and he smiled.
I was like =( THE QUESTIONNNN.. T.T I was so mad with myself that I dun bother to buy any food. I went up with him, and I told him how mad I was at myself. And he was like, laughing? I was complaining to him, and he was still, laughing?
and then he saw the tears in my eyes.
He started to got scared. He was like, “NONONONO… DON’T!! DON’T!!” well, I guess guys are really afraid of girls crying. Jo Ee saw me, and I was surprised with what she told me. How she comforted me. I stopped crying. However, when I reached my class, I started crying again.
At first, they thought I was just fake crying. Cause I was like, “wa wa wa… .. “ then, puiyi was like laughing also?
Then she realised that I was REALLY crying. And siewjin and her started hugging me. WHICH made me cried MORE! Stop continue.. and stop and continue.. fine. I stopped. Finally.
When I returned to my place, Chu was there. He was saying something, then he stopped and stared at me, “ohmygod.. sandraa.. what happen to you? Eh.. you know, the ticker time right…. . .. “
And I started to cry again. Eugene was like, “ohmygod… . . “ Then I went to sit with Siewjin and Low. All of them comforted me a lot. Then, when Low return my ticker timer experiment paper, I started again.
*sigh *
Paper 1 for Physics soon started. I was still sobbing. But nevermind, let me just concentrate. Finally, done. There wasn’t enough time though. But *sigh * there was nothing that I can do.
Went down after school was over, and saw Alex, chatting with humans outside the school while waiting for me..
“4.30, 5.30, 6.14.. hmm.. 2 hours and 44 minutes.”
I can barely open my eyes. I turned the radio on loud enough to keep me awake. I took my time to pack my bag, brush my teeth, wash my face AND my sore eyes with eye lotion, and change into my school uniform.
Went down, and I realised I really needed caffeine to keep me awake. My maid had already made a cup of coffee for me. Perfect, I thought.
I was about to the get out of the house until I forgot my tag and purse. I ran up as fast as I could to get it. Got into the car, and I cant stop keeping my eyes wide open. I felt so, lifeless. Like, I’m not living inside.
Reached school, and got out of the car. Saw keanloong but I guess I was walking 1ms-1 cause I could not catch up with his slow pace. I walked silently through the hallway. Yuen ping said hi but I could care less to reply her greetings.
Assembly started, and Yuen Ping whispered to me, “Sandra, can you help me or do you have ANY possible ways to ask him to button up and wear his tie? Because I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been telling me several times but nothing seems to work.” I wanted to ask her, shouldn’t I am the one who need to ask for a favour. She’s a prefect, isn’t she?
Today, was different. There wasn’t any fire in my eyes. I wasn’t even in the mood to scold anyone. To get angry at anyone. My life was just moving very slow. It’s like taking one step to walk could last forever. With my pale face, sore eyes and tired body, I walked silently to him, sighed, and said “Pao Jun Ren, can you please button up and wear your tie?” For a moment, I was thinking, I can really get down on my knees to beg him to wear his tie.
I have no more energy to give any fierce glares, or to shout through his face.
The whole morning, all I did was talking really softly, and I just stand RIGHT in front of the form 5 students who talk without saying anything. I would just sigh and show them my tired sore eyes which doesn’t have anymore energy to glare. And thank god, they did shut up.
7. 15am.
“Exam will start in 15 minutes,” I whispered to Yuen Ping and walked away. When assembly was over.
7.25am.
“Exam will start in 5 minutes,” Yuen Ping whispered to me back.
Hiked up fourth floor while reciting what the hell was inertia with Nanthienie. And I just couldn’t stop repeating the definition of Inertia.
“The tendency of an object to be at rest anddd.. . ?” Nanthienie would continue that sentence.
Reached class, and I started shaking for I don’t know what reason. I got up from my place and started walking around the class, reciting every single thing I need to remember for Physics Exam. Yuen Ping was testing me on the safety features for vehicles. And yeah.. I was trying so hard to reply her. For all the sleeping time that I have sacrificed to memorise it, it was a no way that I could possibly forget about it.
Paper 2 started.
50Hz. Ticker-timer experiment. I wasn’t sure. All I know is 1/50 Hz is 0.02s. But how about 50Hz? It wouldn’t possibly be the same right?
I read the question. Carefully. I highlighted every single important point. I took my time to analyse the question. I read through it and one question caught my attention.
“Find the speed in 2 secs.”
“OHMYGOD! The exact same question that Kean Loong was joking about it that day! But wait, is it exactly the same? Was that day’s question 50Hz too? Or it was 1/50 Hz?” I was thinking in my god damn stupid head.
S.H.Y.T.E!
I was totally blank. I tried to recall the exercise paper that my tuition teacher had gave me. I remember going through it last night. But at that time, nothing was in my mind. Blank. Just like my answer sheet.
Nevermind, I thought. I’ll just have to continue my paper first. Section C.
“Choose only 1 question among the 2.”
Some ghost was blinding my eyes that I couldn’t see the word CHOOSE. So, I spent my bloody time to do BOTH experiment question. I was scribbling towards the end of my paper. There wasn’t enough time for me. I looked up for a second, and I saw Low sitting silently, writing the answers smoothly with her G2 pen.
Unlike me, I was terrified by my writing. It was getting from bad to worst. Hm.. nevermind. Let me just do it. 1 more minute. “FAST! FAST FAST!,” my mind was racing with my hand. With the pen I’m holding.
I scribbled stupid answers that I myself couldn’t figure out what I was writing. I mixed up with all the variable. Shit, I’ll be dead. But nevermind, as long as I finish the paper.. Okay. DONE!
“wait a minute, huh? Why teacher still haven’t collect the paper? Its time already.” I looked around. Everyone seemed to be still writing. “Shouldn’t they stop?” I thought.
Look here, Look there, turn here, turn there. And my eyes stopped at the big whiteboard.
“WHAT. THE. HELL?!” I whispered. I realised that there was still time. =.=” I thought about the time wrongly.
UGH!
Fine, nevermind, check through my papers. I still stop for a moment when I saw the tickertimer experiment. “JAH! Whatever. Nevermind lah! I think I’ll be correct. I have to confident!”
When exam ended.. … .. . . .
“CONFIDENT MY ASSSSSSSSSS!”
all of them were discussing about it. And I got it all wrong. THAT particular question that I did. Yeah. ALL wrong. T.T
I yelped. And started “crying”… and the inverted comas, were taken off. I didn’t feel like going for recess anymore but I still went to the canteen. And I saw keanloong eating happily. Smiling all the way. He saw me, and I saw him and we go, “THE QUESTION!” and he smiled.
I was like =( THE QUESTIONNNN.. T.T I was so mad with myself that I dun bother to buy any food. I went up with him, and I told him how mad I was at myself. And he was like, laughing? I was complaining to him, and he was still, laughing?
and then he saw the tears in my eyes.
He started to got scared. He was like, “NONONONO… DON’T!! DON’T!!” well, I guess guys are really afraid of girls crying. Jo Ee saw me, and I was surprised with what she told me. How she comforted me. I stopped crying. However, when I reached my class, I started crying again.
At first, they thought I was just fake crying. Cause I was like, “wa wa wa… .. “ then, puiyi was like laughing also?
Then she realised that I was REALLY crying. And siewjin and her started hugging me. WHICH made me cried MORE! Stop continue.. and stop and continue.. fine. I stopped. Finally.
When I returned to my place, Chu was there. He was saying something, then he stopped and stared at me, “ohmygod.. sandraa.. what happen to you? Eh.. you know, the ticker time right…. . .. “
And I started to cry again. Eugene was like, “ohmygod… . . “ Then I went to sit with Siewjin and Low. All of them comforted me a lot. Then, when Low return my ticker timer experiment paper, I started again.
*sigh *
Paper 1 for Physics soon started. I was still sobbing. But nevermind, let me just concentrate. Finally, done. There wasn’t enough time though. But *sigh * there was nothing that I can do.
Went down after school was over, and saw Alex, chatting with humans outside the school while waiting for me..
"I dont know how you study in this school.. It's SO HOT!!!" he said.
and I started complaining again. It was a long conversation..
Me: ALEXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! MY PHYSICS!!! T.T you know, the ticker timer.. I thought 50 Hz is 1 second, so I did it all wrong.. and then, the section C, I did two experiments.. and then I didn’t have enough time.. then..
Alex: *turns the music louder.. pretend not to listen but I know he is..*
Me: Alex..
Alex: ?
Me: are you gonna watch Grey’s this weekend, if you are, can you just spend THAT time to teach me bio?
Alex: you have to read yourself. I told you already.
Me: then that one? Howww?
Alex: how what??
Me: What if I don’t get an A for physics?
Alex: wait till you come to college. You’re gonna die if you keep continue to be like this.
Me: then how?
Alex: just die. The only thing you can do is go and die.
Me: after that?
Alex: Your body will be decompose into . .. . . . .. . . . *all his bio stuff.. it was ten minutes long * UNDERSTAND?!
I didn’t answer him..
“UNDERSTANDDDDD?! *reminded me of Hao Cherng who always like to, "BAWAH BERDIRI?!"
I still didn’t answer him. My eyes will filled with tears again..
Alex: I have to go back to college now and now you just make me feel like not going back.
I want to ask him, “why?” But, I was too weak to ask. I just cry silently.
The whole car was quiet until I reached home. I still didn’t utter a single word. My mother opened the door for me and I just walked into the house and greeted my mom’s friends with an expression that shows that I can barely smile.
I quickly went up without talking. The box of lunch for me on the table didn’t make me feel like eating. I went to my room, grabbed my phone, sms-ed and laid my butt onto the ground, and covered my face with my unwashed hands and cried.
I took a bath. And I could just cheered up a little with his words. I figured how tough I were before this and I just couldn’t believe that I would be so down just for a little thing.
And I took out my tuition homework and started doing it.
And Hao Cherng gor, I’m inspired by “Sequences”. I can’t wait to read more of your essays. ;)
I feel like I'm just doing another essay. This post is 5 pages long. (>.<)
Lesson learnt: *sigh* i dunno how many lessons have I learnt today. STUDY HARDER FOR NEXT EXAMS!!!
Special thanks to:
Emily
Siewjin
Low
Puiyi
Vivian for scolding me, "I cant believe you didnt come to school yesterday!" =.="
Bao Yu Zhai
Yuen Ping
Zun Zen
Kean Loong
Jo Ee
Chu
Eugene
Michelle
Zkang
AND not forgetting, AARON!
I cant believe that he actually comforted me.. AARON.. thanks, moderate Aaron!
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